Finding Purpose Doesn’t Have to Feel Like Searching for Buried Treasure
I’ll be honest with you. For years, I thought purpose was this massive thing I had to discover, like some kind of quest in a fantasy novel. You know, find your calling, become wildly successful, change the world, all that jazz. But here’s the thing that nobody tells you: that whole approach to purpose might actually be making you miserable.
I recently sat down with Dr. Jordan Grumet (you might know him as Doc G) to talk about his book “The Purpose Code,” and honestly, the conversation completely flipped my understanding of what purpose really means. Doc G is a hospice physician, host of the Earn and Invest podcast, and he’s spent years watching people at the end of their lives reflect on what actually mattered. His first book, “Taking Stock,” was all about building financial independence around purpose. But this book? It goes deeper into how we can actually create purpose instead of constantly searching for it.
And trust me, after chasing the rock and roll dream for years while working soul-crushing day jobs, this conversation hit different.
The Problem With Purpose (And Why It’s Making You Anxious)
Here’s something wild that Doc G discovered, up to 91% of people experience what researcher Larissa Rainey calls “purpose anxiety” at some point in their lives. Think about that for a second. Nearly everyone is stressed, guilty, worried, or downright scared about not knowing their purpose in life.
I’ve definitely been there. Hell, I still visit sometimes. You know that feeling when you’re lying in bed at night wondering if you’re wasting your life? Or when you jump from job to job thinking “maybe this will finally be the thing that fulfills me”? Yeah, that’s purpose anxiety doing its thing.
Doc G explained that he noticed this pattern after giving talks about his first book. People would actually get angry with him. They’d come up after conferences and say, “Look, you’ve been talking about purpose this whole time, but I can’t find my purpose. I’ve been looking for years and it’s really frustrating me.”
That’s when he realized something important, we’ve probably been getting purpose wrong this whole time.
Big P Purpose vs. Little P Purpose (And Why One Makes You Miserable)
After diving deep into the research, Doc G came up with this framework that honestly makes so much sense. There are actually two types of purpose, and only one of them leads to happiness.
Big P Purpose – The One That’s Setting You Up for Failure
Big P Purpose is what most of us think about when we hear the word “purpose.” It’s all about massive, audacious goals. We’re talking about:
- Becoming a billionaire
- Curing cancer
- Becoming president
- Changing the world in some huge, measurable way
This is the “if you can think it, you can build it” American dream stuff. And look, I’m not saying these goals are bad. But here’s the brutal truth, most of us don’t have the agency to actually achieve them. We’re not the right person at the right time with the right genetics and the right amount of luck.
Big P Purpose is scarce. It’s all or nothing. It’s winner takes all. And when you aim that high, the likelihood is you’re going to fail and feel like garbage about it. This is where I was thinking, if I wasn’t writing the killer track with a sick chugging riff, or getting thousands of followers, or landing that million dollar grant, I was just failing and it was frustrating and defeating.
Little P Purpose – The One That Actually Works
Now here’s where it gets good. Little P Purpose isn’t about goals at all. It’s about process.
It’s about doing things that light you up and enjoying the actual doing of them. There’s no way to fail at Little P Purpose as long as you’re doing something you genuinely like. And if you don’t like it? You try something else.
While Big P Purpose is scarce and competitive, Little P Purpose is abundant. It’s not all or nothing, it’s all or all. Almost anyone can go out and do their sense of purpose, enjoy the process, and be way happier because of it.
Think about it like this, instead of saying “I need to become a bestselling author,” you focus on “I really enjoy writing every morning with my coffee.” The first one sets you up for disappointment if you never hit the bestseller list. The second one? You win every single day you sit down and write.
The Signs You Might Be Stuck in Purpose Anxiety
Beyond the obvious “I can’t find my purpose and it’s freaking me out” feeling, Doc G pointed out some sneaky ways purpose anxiety shows up in our lives.
Job hopping. If you’re constantly bouncing from career to career thinking the next thing will finally fulfill you, that’s probably purpose anxiety talking. You’re chasing Big P Purpose instead of finding what you actually enjoy doing.
The “I’ll be happy when” trap. When you’re always focused on future goals instead of present enjoyment, you’re missing the whole point of Little P Purpose.
Feeling like nothing is ever enough. This one hits hard. If you constantly feel inadequate or like you should be doing more, bigger, better things, you might be measuring yourself against impossible Big P Purpose standards.
How to Actually Create Your Purpose (Not Find It)
Here’s the part that really got me excited. Doc G doesn’t tell you to go search for your purpose like it’s hiding under a rock somewhere. He says you need to create it. And there are practical ways to do that.
Method 1: The Life Review
Look at your regrets. I know, sounds depressing, but stay with me. If you have regrets about not doing something, that’s actually a clue about what matters to you. Flip those regrets around and they become purpose anchors, things you can build a life of purpose around.
For example, if you regret not spending more time with your kids when they were young, that tells you that connection and family time is a purpose anchor for you.
Method 2: The Art of Subtraction
Take what you hate about your current job and strip it all away. What’s left? Is there a nucleus of something you actually like?
Doc G gave this great example. Maybe you hate your job overall, but every Thursday when you do stock room inventory, you love it. You’re there with your pen and paper, organizing everything, and those hours fly by. That love of organizing? That could be a purpose anchor. Doc G helped me explore this in my own journey. When I was looking at if I should leave my 9-5 job, I broke down many of the areas of my role and found what was a part that I really enjoyed and played to my strengths. So I did work with my leader to see what other opportunities may have been available.
Method 3: The Joys of Childhood
Go back to your childhood room mentally. What were the posters on your wall? What were the trophies? What did you draw or build?
As kids, we were given freedom to just pursue what we loved without worrying about practicality or professions. We lose that as we get older and start thinking about being “serious.” But those childhood loves can point us toward purpose anchors. In doing this exercise, myself, I found that being creative was something that I really enjoyed I would often fall into my flow state when I was designing or creating art, writing, podcasting, or playing guitar. This did help me see and understand what my little P purpose could be!
Method 4: The Spaghetti Method
This is my favorite because it’s so simple: throw a bunch of stuff against the wall and see what sticks.
Volunteer for things you don’t normally do. Try activities you’ve never tried. Say yes to people you don’t normally hang out with. Put yourself in slightly uncomfortable positions and see what happens.
After the day is over, if you enjoyed that process, if it felt like a day well spent, that’s a purpose anchor. Start building more of that into your life.
The Secret Nobody Tells You About Becoming The Person You Want to Be
Here’s something Doc G said that completely rearranged my brain. If you do the thing, you become the person.
Everyone gets this backwards. They’re like, “How do I become a marathoner? I need to run a marathon!” No. You become a runner by running. Not by buying fancy shoes or expensive shorts. By actually running.
How do you become an author? You don’t write a bestselling book, you write. Every day. The act of writing makes you a writer, whether or not you ever publish anything.
This is where the joy really lives. It’s not in the title or the goal or the achievement. It’s in the daily action. It’s in the process.
If you enjoy the process of running, it doesn’t matter if you ever complete a marathon. You’re already a runner and you’re already winning.
What This Means for Your Money Life
Now, you’re probably wondering what all this purpose talk has to do with personal finance and building wealth. Everything, actually.
Financial independence isn’t about accumulating a massive pile of money so you can finally be happy. It’s about building a life where you have the freedom to pursue the things that light you up.
The reason I retired early wasn’t so I could sit on a beach forever (honestly, that sounds boring as hell). It was so I could spend my days doing things that feel purposeful: helping families through the Luger Foundation, creating content for Heavy Metal Money, working on real estate projects that interest me, building community in the Twin Cities.
When you focus on Little P Purpose, your financial goals become clearer. You’re not just saving money to retire and then figure out what makes you happy. You’re building financial freedom around activities and processes you already know you love.
And here’s the kicker: when you’re doing things you genuinely enjoy, you often need less money to be happy. You’re not trying to fill a purpose-sized hole with consumption and fancy stuff.
Your Permission Stop Searching and Start Creating
Doc G said something that really stuck with me. Deep down, when people are about to fall asleep at night and they’re thinking about that last important thing of the day, most of us have a dream of some kind. Something that sparks enjoyment.
The problem isn’t that we don’t know what lights us up. The problem is we don’t give ourselves permission to pay attention to it.
Maybe it doesn’t sound important enough. Or, maybe it doesn’t seem like it’ll be impactful. Maybe it won’t make you rich or famous. But if you give yourself permission to pay attention to those things you genuinely enjoy, you can start building purpose around them. And that’s where the real spark of joy comes from.
Look, I spent years chasing the rock and roll dream thinking that was my Big P Purpose. And when that didn’t work out the way I imagined, I felt lost for a while. But looking back, the parts I actually loved weren’t about becoming famous or selling out arenas. It was the process of creating music with friends, the feeling of writing a crushing riff, the community we built.
That’s Little P Purpose. That’s the stuff that actually matters.
So stop beating yourself up for not having it all figured out. Stop comparing yourself to billionaires and presidents and cancer-curing geniuses. Start paying attention to what you enjoy doing right now, today, even if it seems small or insignificant.
Do the thing. Enjoy the process. Become the person.
If you want to dive deeper into this stuff, check out Doc G’s new book “The Purpose Code” .You can learn more at JordanGrumet.com, and while you’re at it, give his Earn and Invest podcast a listen. The guy’s a wealth of wisdom, and he actually practices what he preaches.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got some purpose to create. Horns up, my friends.
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